Spark #
3

Rejection is not a Reflection

In this spark, we’ll talk about how to receive constructive criticism and feedback and see it as an opportunity for growth--not personal failure. "When people [have] the fixed mindset, they [feel] judged and labeled by ... rejection. Permanently labeled. It [is] as though a verdict [has] been handed down and branded on their foreheads: unloveable!"

Spark #
3
Rejection is not a Reflection
What We're Talking About

The principle we're discussing

Have you ever turned something in to your boss, only to have it come back covered in edits? Or offered to buy someone a drink and have them turn you down, without even knowing you?

It hurts. It also means you’re a terrible person, you’re bad at your job, and no one will ever love you. Right?

Well, only if you have a fixed mindset. There could be any number of reasons why those things happened. But if you’re living in a fixed mindset, all you can see is your own failure. And instead of learning how to do something new, all you’ll let yourself learn is that you have flaws you can’t fix, or that you’re unlovable. And that’s certainly not true.


Why it Matters

Why this principle is important and matters to you

Being rejected isn’t any fun, and we’re not going to pretend that it is. But it’s important to remember that rejection is not a reflection of who you are as a person—especially if you want to have a growth mindset. 

When a coworker critiques what you’re doing or your boss returns a project with edits, it can seem like the end of the world. You might even worry that you’re bad at your job, but we promise that’s not the case. Learning how to do something new or try something different can actually feel amazing when you embrace it.

How You Can Use It

This provides practical ways to apply learnings from this Spark

The next time someone offers constructive criticism, make a point of noticing your initial thoughts. If you immediately think you’re bad at your job, pause for a moment and reconsider.

Write down a few things you can learn from their feedback, take a moment to pump yourself up (try “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen if you need some good vibes), and then start implementing the suggested changes. We bet you’ll be surprised by what you learn. Remember, you need objective information about your current abilities in order to learn effectively.

Reflection

An opportunity to reflect on yourself and/or your team and how you can apply these insights

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